I read my first Tony Robbins (Author-Motivational Speaker-Transformation Guru) book when I was about 11 years old. I took to it right away because I recognized his ability to be real and transparent. Both of which I did not experience much while growing up. My upbringing was fake, just to put it plainly. I was taught to be whatever someone else needed or deemed appropriate to receive love from other people. Unfortunately, I carried that into my adulthood, and it is most apparent in my romantic relationships.
My facade and the ability to ignore other people were the main tools I used to survive. I won’t go into the sordid details but my childhood environment was tumultuous and I often read books to escape. It wasn’t until I became an adult that I realized a middle school child reading a 500-page self-help book is a bit odd. I wonder what the adults that were present thought…but that is beside the point. I searched for answers everywhere I could and that lead me to read books that aimed to explain why I was so dissatisfied with myself and my current experience. Being a child in an abusive environment with no control is very difficult to navigate emotionally. I thank GOD that he pursued me for a close relationship at very early age. GOD has literally been my refuge and still is to this day.
With the new year approaching, I spent my last day of 2016, listening to a Tony Robbins message and making my 2017 Vision. He said something that stuck with me, “You must raise your standards to be satisfied with your life.” So that got my wheels turning. Where in my life have I lowered my standards? Bingo! Everywhere. No really, I had lowered my standards in just about every area I can think of and I jotted them down below:
- relationally-I have a pattern of caring very deeply for men who are unavailable to me emotionally
- occupationally-I accepted a position in a role that I am severely underutilized and not working in the areas of my giftings or purpose
- financially-GOD has promised me some beautiful blessings that I have not prepared for out of fear of failure
- physically-I resolved that the things that I do not like about my body will be that way forever
- socially-Despite my efforts to gain and maintain meaningful relationships they seem to elude me
- spiritually-I am not growing spiritually in the way that I need to get to the next level in my relationship with GOD
Whew. That took a lot for me to admit. I need to take a minute to thank GOD for the new ability to be exposed and vulnerable. Ok, I am back. So now that I know where I am dissatisfied, what do I do now? As I continued to listen to the message, I learned that anytime I am experiencing less than what I expect, I will be dissatisfied with my life. So the answer is to raise my standards and cultivate new rituals that support those standards. For example:
Since I am dissatisfied with the intermittent love I receive from emotionally unavailable men, I will create the standard that my romantic relationships must be reciprocal. The new ritual is that I deserve love and I will only allow romantic relationships with people that respect my needs, boundaries and are truly ready for what could potentially develop between us.
Another point that really hit home was that “people live in agreement with who they believe they are.” That was the aha moment for me. I had believed some things that are beneath who I know I am, so naturally, my experience has been at a lesser standard. So I resolved to raise my standard. I am raising the standard of who I believe that I am. My life has no choice but to follow suit. Since I am a person of faith, I am a bit embarrassed to share that while I am gifted in having faith in GOD, my faith in myself has not yet reached it’s full potential. I resolve to raise the standard of who I am, what I can do, what I can have, and who I can become. With GOD nothing is impossible. Have a Happy New Year’s Day!