While sipping on ginger tea in Chicago on January 1st, I made a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish this year. I am not one for resolutions but I do firmly believe in charting your course. I always want to lose weight, travel, earn more, and so on. So as I began to write my thoughts down, I felt an urge to pray. You all know that while I accept everyone for who they are, I am a woman who must follow GOD. So I closed my eyes, eased in my chair, and began a dialogue. HE had a lot to say, so much so that I had to open my eyes to write it all down. HE spoke to every area of my life, and let me know that many changes were to be made. The highlights were: 1. I was leaving Chicago 2. The man I cared for wasn’t “the one” 3. Consistency and obedience on my part are required for the upcoming seasons. 4. Be celibate until marriage 5. HE is preparing a place for me. I did not immediately understand what everything meant, but I felt an excitement well up within me. I knew 2017 was going to be jam packed with life changing events that hopefully became defining moments. GOD had plenty to say, but like most people I was focused on only the positive stuff.
A week or so later, I got a call and learned that I was laid off from my sales role at a mortgage company. I was relieved. I am fairly good at sales but it sucks my soul right out of my body. God had told me that I would be going back to a previous position I had years ago on cruise ships, so my mind was already sailing the high seas. I auditioned for the role, got it, and was set to leave mid-February. The lease on my apartment was ending as well so I thought every detail was coming together nicely. I gave away some belongs, sold a few others, and flew out of Chicago just days before my birthday. Headed to Miami, the weather was warm and I welcomed the change in surroundings. To fast track this story, I went for the mandatory physical (that is usually no problem) failed it and had to come right back to Chicago. I had had a going away party and was only gone for 2 weeks. With 3 suitcases of clothes for Florida, I was physically ill, devastated, and confused as to what was going to happen now. The predominant thought in my mind was; did I mishear GOD?
I had been talking and listening to GOD for a long time now, but I was baffled. What do I do now? How do I prepare? I have no income, no belongings, and no plan. Ugh! A few days later, I was admitted to the hospital and had to have a blood transfusion. The doctors recommended that I do not go back to the cruise industry period. When they communicated that to my Occupational Physician it was nearly impossible to get him to sign-off on my file. I was fortunate to stay at a friend’s house, but I could feel that she wanted her privacy back asap. It was a very difficult time to say the least. I had 3 doctors visits, labs ran 3 different times, and had to obtain temporary employment. The only positive was that I was able to attend a Spirit-filled church during that time, and learned what the power of GOD is like. However, my planned week stay in Chicago turned into 9 weeks.
Finally, I got to the ship and it was nothing like I had experienced years prior. The second I got on I knew I had made a mistake. I fought to get there and regretted it immediately. I worked 12-16 hour days and my bank account did not reflect it. The locations were beautiful, but I knew that I could not bare 6 months of this. As a revenue generating department of one, I was introduced to the highest level of stress that I had ever experienced. Once again I was sorely disappointed. I began to wonder if I was missing something. I had more questions than answers. I had just left a community were I was in purpose and serving GOD, only to go to an environment were I clearly wasn’t and not benefiting at all financially. My goal was to be debt free, so I believed that this opportunity would ultimately be worth it. It wasn’t. One afternoon in Cozumel, I sat on a restaurant patio to have lunch and while looking at the view of the ocean, I just began to cry. It is a very odd feeling to be miserable in beautiful surroundings. I think the beauty makes it worse. I kept thinking, GOD you said (fill in the blank). I thought you were going to (fill in the blank). What I am I supposed to do about (fill in the blank)? What is going to happen with (fill in the blank) now? I left the blanks empty because we have all asked GOD the same questions. If you are anything like me, when you don’t know what to do, you begin to ask GOD questions. Lots and lots of questions.
I told HIM, I don’t know what to do about my entire life but I know that you do, so its on YOU. I know, it was not the kindest tone, but I am just telling you like it was. Within 48 hours, I had quit cruise ships, was invited to Indianapolis by a relative, and felt that HE was strongly urging me to go. Indianapolis? Really? No dis to Indy folks, but I hadn’t been there since like 2000 and I had just left Chicago. I was not at all thrilled to be moving to Indy. 😦
So I go there in late June, and my family was welcoming. If you knew me personally, you’d know that that is the exact opposite of what I usually experience with my family. I was pleasantly surprised. What surprised me most was how from the first week I arrived in Indy, GOD has been speaking to me frequently and in great detail. HE made it all make sense.
HE told me that he allowed me to go back on ships to appease what I wanted knowing that when it was no longer a good fit, HE could easily reroute me to where I am stationed for the next season (Indy). I asked HIM why did he not just tell me to move from Chicago to Indy? HE said, if I told you to leave Chicago and move to Indy to be near family, you would not have done what I instructed. HE was and is always right. Honestly, I felt bad about my predictable disobedience as it pertains to my proximity to certain people. I needed to fix that quickly. GOD’s words began to wash my heart and renew my mind, and HE lead me to enroll in Indianapolis School of Supernatural Ministry. What’s that? (I can hear your thoughts) Simply put, it is a school that teaches you to operate in the gifts that the Spirit of GOD has given to each of us. I am learning about listening to GOD daily and not just in catastrophic circumstances. Asking HIM what would you like for us to do today, rather than what are you going to do about blah blah blah. I have received more prophetic words about my life and purpose since coming here than I had in my entire life prior. I even had a beautiful SOZO (google it) were I got to have a 2 hour conversation with the Godhead, resulting in my father wound being healed and intimacy restored between God The Father and myself.
*Disclaimer: I generally draw two distinct types of people. Those who fully get what I am saying and some who have no clue but are intrigued. For the latter, I encourage you to start having conversations with GOD like you do with people and listen to what HE has to say. Don’t worry about religion and all “the rules” just begin a relationship. Often times we focus so heavily on what to say to GOD, but what HE say to us is much more valuable. Say a few sentences, and then just listen. It will bless you immensely. *
I am happy to report that I am where I am supposed to be for now. I am walking, talking, and listening to everything GOD has to say to me. I am in right position and right relationship with HIM and I have a lot to look forward to. HE has already began to speak to me about 2018, and my future is very bright. xoxoCozette
<a href=”https://www.bloglovin.com/blog/19188759/?claim=5ynbex3szea”>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>